Never met a girl like you before
“Ye can keep yer knickers on if ye want to.”
“Really?”
Right there and then, I knew this brazillian wax was going to be different from any I’d had before. For starters, her name was Charlie and she stood right there while I took off my jeans. No discreet look-away move, no “I’ll be back in three minutes (while you strip and purposefully subject yourself to this torture)”.
“Alright then, up you go, lie right here. How are you?”
“I’m alright, thanks. Just got off work, thought I’d pop by. You sure you don’t need me to take my knickers off?”
“Aw yeah, it’s fine.”
“Wow, I mean, I’m just used to-”
*nggrap!*
“MOTHERFU-”
*nnggrrraaaaaap*
“Ooh darling, ye alright?”
“You get right to it, don’t you. Haha! I was just a bit surprised there!”
*nnnggggrrrraaaaaaaaaaap*
“Aw yeah, there’s no other way to do it!”
“MM-HMM. Wax is a bit hotter than I’m used to”
And then in four minutes flat, my poon was looking like a million bucks. The rest of our conversation is unimportant, and in any case was lost in that space between my silent screams and the shockingly fluorescent lights a few feet from my head. The only other thing I recall was the bit where she asked me if I wanted to leave a triangle, and I said yes please (because this is England and you mind your P’s and Q’s even when it comes to shaping your pubes).
Now you might not be familiar with brazilian waxes, or waxes in general. But where I come from the fancy salons boast about strip-offs that can be done in FIFTEEN minutes. They put you in nice rooms where the lights are dimmed and a Best of Bebel Gilberto CD streams from hidden speakers. They treat your poon like it’s another human being: “Wax temperature okay? This size alright? The other side now, yes?”. Short of reading it sonnets, my KL waxers have nothing but love for le poon.
But here in East London? Charlie will do it with your kickers on. In record time. I’m never doing high street beauty again if all it takes is a 20-minute Tube ride to the other side of town and 17 quid for this.
When paying up, I told her how genuinely impressed I was at the speed of my wax. She giggled, said thank you very much and told me that she’d be happy to see me in a month.
On my way out, I turned to Charlie and waved. I wanted to curtsey, too, but my poon hurt too much.
The magic store, should you ever find yourself in need of an express brazillian:
171 Hair & Beauty
171 Upper Street, Islington, London N1 1RG
tel: +44 (0)20 7354 2266/3733
So then this is for the love that one does get a wax. In your recent tweet, you forgot to mention the third kind of love – the one that requires the all over body wax. $250.00 and surprisingly not as painful as I had hoped… I mean feared. I dated an English girl once who didn’t wax, or shave anything. She was a nice girl, and totally blonde so it didn’t look as off-putting as one might think. I wonder what happened to her – landscape architect or something.
Sheesh, at least my wax guy lets me do breathing exercises before he rips the strips off. Four minutes is good time, but guys are a little more complicated. My guy can do the wax and special razor thingy in six. He doesn’t work with “poon” (I hate that word), and he insists that the pants come right off.
| Posted 1 year, 1 month agoBy the way, a million bucks doesn’t look very sexy.
| Posted 1 year, 1 month agoFOUR MINUTES?? and no bebel?? haha..i like her style
| Posted 1 year, 1 month agodax: $250 is murder! i bet charlie would do it for $30. your card(s) arrived in the mail last week – much love! aoi is an absolute doll.
ps. interesting that you have a male waxer
| Posted 1 year agopps. heading back to the tropics for christmas
Lucky you! My cousin left for three gorgeous weeks in Thailand the night before the snow came and iced up a lot of planes. So, you know… there’s got to be a better way to communicate than this. I signed up for Twitter, but I just don’t get the point of it all. I meant to put my new e-mail on the card, but I ran out of room. Have a good Christmas.
| Posted 1 year agoNever read a wax-job review before. This is very enlightening!
| Posted 11 months, 1 week agogot any pictures of the wax job to share?
| Posted 11 months agowow the wax job is interesting to read i never imagine doing that before but maybe now i can be brave and try
| Posted 11 months agomachinist: wax jobs are a universe of their own. there should be entire sites dedicated to waxing around the world!
scott: no, but why not try it firsthand and have a proper look south?
poi loo: do it — it’ll change your life
| Posted 11 months agoI’ve got pictures (and video) of mine if Scott would like.
| Posted 11 months agoDax: sure, sign me up for pictures (and video).
| Posted 11 months agoLOL. I’m enjoying this way more than I’m supposed to.
| Posted 11 months agowowza.
see, i told you to write a new post already. everyone comes here and ends up talking about waxing.
| Posted 11 months agoSorry, I’m chickening out on this one. Like a wise friend once told me – “If you don’t want it to end up on Youtube, don’t film it”.
| Posted 11 months agoI understand Dax, I too would be very wary of letting anyone seeing stuff that could end up on the local news.
Still, it was a great post, and as popaghandi mentions, it will get people writing/talking.
peace to all!
| Posted 11 months agoPlease clarify something so I can put the b/f straight. Brazilian is everything removed. Bikini is not. Men! Why do they think they know it all?
| Posted 11 months agoyou’re quite right
bikini – a wax job that leaves everything beyond the immediate bikini area clean but keeps the other stuff mostly intact.
brazillian – generally all off, front and back, except for a thin strip at the front. a wax without that strip is commonly known as a full brazilian. (and here’s an extra fact of the day: apparently brazilians don’t particularly condone, or like the full version).
| Posted 11 months agoWow, very educational.
This is much better than sitting infront of two random ladies teaching me about waxing and the joys of waxing!
| Posted 11 months agoI wish I could convince my other half to get a Brazilian done. For some reason she has this idea in her head that any hair removal is wrong and only came about due to a recent Porn explosion via the internet.
| Posted 11 months agoScott: It’s not for the faint of heart. The first time I did it, I basically got butchered. Maybe Lola didn’t have such a bad experience, but when they’re bad, they are bad. You have to know your waxer, and know that they do good work. I immediately changed waxers after the first experience. My sister had bad wax jobs, and would come home cursing like mad. Maybe your other half just wants to avoid that type of experience.
| Posted 11 months agoDax: I don’t know what it is, but the other half has a real aversion to bikini area hair removal and keeps telling me that the natural way is the only way. I’ll not give up on trying to convince her, but I fear I’m fighting a losing battle. Oh well, guess I’ll always have this post to read and dream…..
| Posted 11 months agoscott, remember: at the end of the day it’s what you do with it, not what she’s had done to it.
| Posted 10 months, 4 weeks agoI hear you
| Posted 10 months, 3 weeks agoi was not try wax but instead just shave and it okay but my boyfriend say like sandpaper. my poor friend girl has much hair and didn’t try so we are all sad for her as she is embarrassed about it
| Posted 10 months, 1 week agoSo far I’ve only bought these special Brazilian wax kits and done it myself. Never been to a professional. Perhaps I’ll pay a visit to that store once I get to London. Wouldn’t want to have a male waxer though.
| Posted 9 months, 3 weeks ago